Seth Crevison – Ep034

After seeing Paul Smith’s College at a programming conference, fate brings Evan a Facebook friend and Paul Smith’s College alum Seth Crevison. Chatting all the way from Florida at 2 am, Seth catches Evan up with what he’s been doing since Evan’s 2010 show at the college, how he stuns fish and what goes in to the sport/game of discolf. (Don’t say frisbee golf.) You want awkward? You got awkward!

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Jayme Lake – Ep033

Fresh off their Francesacon performance, Jayme Lake comes on SOCIALLY AWKWARD to explain what Francesacon is (4:30), how Jayme met her husband and Evan’s wife during the same show (10:07), and what made her get into theater. Jayme also talks touring nationally, Schoolhouse Rock Live 2 (20:30), and her disdain for math. Plus, her love of the Food Network, Schitt’s Creek and Harley Jay’s bowling prowess (34:50). And we close out with Evan’s blossoming rant against golf (37:14).

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An Unrelated Jimmy Wecksell – Ep032

Evan ventures all the way to Sweden to interview Jimmy Wecksell, a Wecksell to whom Evan is NOT related. Hear why Jimmy is the real Wecksell and Evan is the imposter. Evan and Jimmy also rundown all the Swedish Wecksells on Facebook and Jimmy then tells Evan how he learned English from American TV and video games. And Jimmy’s brother is actually a famous video game champion. And did we mention that Jimmy likes to go to sleep listening to murders? We’ll explain. Does it get more awkward than this?  

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A Bill Word (& Evan) Birthday – Ep031

It’s February 19, aka Evan’s birthday, so he brings on a Facebook friend who is another 2/19 birthday boy: Comedian BILL WORD! Bill and Evan recall the comedy contests Bill used to produce and Bill reminisces about the time he was introduced onstage… while still in the bathroom. They then talk other people with their birthday as well as what businesses offer you the best birthday giveaways. Plus, hear about Bill’s health scare and his amazing recovery that was assisted by all his comedian friends. Light the birthday candles and celebrate with this hilarious and honest episode!

Check out more about Bill Word at www.killerkomedy.com

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Carolyn Lederach – Ep030

Carolyn Lederach and Evan never met, but they’re talking Penn State, US and UK music, and the fact that Carolyn Lederach is from Lederach, Pennsylvania. Coincidence? Find out!

(Apologies for the audio issues.)

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Who The Hell Is Jake Johnson – Ep029

Jake Johnson, one of Evan’s newest Facebook friends, just won a contest to open for Bon Jovi on February 18 in Nashville, Tennessee!!

Hear how he found out, when he started playing guitar, who his musical influences are and, most importantly, what are his Bon Jovi songs. Jake also addresses doubters who think he got the gig because of his connection to the band.

Jake proves he is a hard worker who approaches his career with the right attitude… and he would like someone to buy his mom and stepdad’s house in Utah.

#whothehellisjakejohnson
#NotJackJohnson

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Announcer Chuck Lott & Royal Rumble Preview – Ep028

Chuck Lott is an announcer for Madison Square Garden, St. John’s Basketball, The New York Mets, and, thankfully, is a huge WWE fan.

Evan and Chuck (aka “LaVoz”), figure out how they became Facebook friends and then Chuck talks about announcing at live events, doing improv with WWE’s Dolph Ziggler and how he can usually swing a seat in business class, even when he doesn’t have a ticket!

‘E & C’ then break down this Sunday’s Royal Rumble, offering their match picks and who they want to win the Rumble and who they think will win. Wrestling nerds, unite! With #LaVoz, wrestling talk has never sounded smoother.

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Raffi Berberian – Ep027

Evan sets a podcast geography record by interviewing Facebook friend Raffi Berberian all the way from Armenia!! With a 12-hour time difference between them, hear how Evan and Raffi met at Bucknell University and then how Raffi moved to Armenia to do photography. He’ll also tell you where Armenia is on the map. It’s a fun conversation in any time zone!

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Chasing Amy Walker – Ep026

Evan’s “Chasing Amy” series concludes with actress and slogan wizard Amy Walker. They never spoke and never met (or so Evan thought) until now. Hear about her origins, her first (false) impression of Evan, her obsession with Alexander Skarsgard, her endless nicknames, her daughters’ social media shenanigans and her Netflix list. Her voice is like butter and she’s your headlining Amy! Plus, hear how Evan was in Facebook jail for 6 days! #firstworldproblems

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Chasing Amy Gillette – Ep025

Evan welcomes the theatrical Amy Gillette to Socially Awkward. A standout actress and singer, Amy has a knack for playing parts that were originally played by Julie Andrews. Also hear about the time Amy joined Evan on stage in acting class, but before that there was the time Evan’s wife and Amy were in the same show; Evan’s wife played a dog while Amy was the owner. #doggonemusical

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Chasing Amy Amerson – Ep024

Evan continues his “Chasing Amy” series with another Facebook friend named Amy. This time it is Amy Amerson, someone Evan had never spoken to… until now!

Hear how they came Facebook friends, the advantages of having the initials AA, and why Amy moved from LA to North Carolina.

Amy also wants to know more about Evan and how this podcast came to be, but the episode then builds to the climax of how best to unfriend someone on Facebook.

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Chasing Amy Vorpahl – Ep023

SOCIALLY AWKWARD is kicking off 2017 with the “Chasing Amy Series,” interviews with four of Evan’s Facebook friends that are named Amy.

We start with comedian/actress/singer Amy Vorpahl who actually hasn’t been on Facebook since 2015! Hear why she left and why she hasn’t looked back.

Evan also gets into Amy’s acting career including her time at Buzzfeed, working with Aaron Sorkin on Newsroom and what her first acting gig in Los Angeles was (that included Evan). She also has an upcoming album about Dungeons & Dragons! 

2017 is the Year of the Amy! And the Year of the Awkward!

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A Sean Aronson Christmas – Ep022

Sean Aronson ran with Evan on the Tufts University cross-country and track teams, but for the past eight years he has been living in Hawaii. He talks about life in Hawaii, walking on volcanoes and what Hawaiians think of the Disney movie Moana.

Sean also mentions whom he stays in touch with from Tufts, recalls some funny stories (from the mainland) and gives some of his current documentary picks on Netflix. Evan also finds out more about the documentary Sean made: White Shark Cafe. 

Come for the reminiscing, stay for the trademark Aronson laugh.

Check out White Shark Cafe at whitesharkcafefilm.com.

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Film Director Joe Castro – Ep021

Joe Castro is an acclaimed Film Director and SPFX Artist most known for his adult swim-esque horror/gore features.

Hear about his horror film binge when he was younger, how a pen pal convinced him to move to LA, and what his first job was at Universal Studios. Joe and Evan then talk about Joe’s Terror Toons film franchise and how Evan’s wife, Kelly Meyersfield, was involved. 

Plus, how does Joe’s filmmaking hold a Guinness World Record? And how is he tied to film director Robert Rodriguez? It’s one big story after another!

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Nicholas Lepham – Ep020

Nicholas Lepham grew up in Houston, went to high school in Saudi Arabia and attended Tufts University (just like Evan) where he joined Theta Chi Fraternity (just like Evan).

Evan and Nick each share their positive experiences being in a fraternity and then weigh in on the current turmoil surrounding Tufts University Greek Life.

Since graduating, Nick has been in Washington DC. Find out what it was like for him working for Hillary Clinton and then being part of a progressive think tank. Nick also uses his political perspective to discuss President-Elect Trump.

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A-List Celebrity Interviews via Jim Meskimen – Ep019

While at a swanky Hollywood party, Evan was able to interview some of Hollywood’s ‘A-est’ of A-List Celebrities. It’s Robert Downey Jr, Arnold Schwarzenegger, President George W Bush and Morgan Freeman all on an impromptu Socially Awkward!!

Thank you Jim Meskimen for playing interview matchmaker!

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Cherish Bliss – Ep018

Evan chats with Los Angeles burlesque dancer Cherish Bliss (aka Bliss Meadows). Hear how Erica and Evan met, her feminist role models and how she is coping with the results of the election. Socially Awkward turns socially conscious. 

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A Jason Burke Thanksgiving – Ep 017

Jason Burke has run 56 marathons in 21 cities across 4 continents. He was also Evan’s college teammate on Tufts University’s cross-country and track teams. After surveying Jason’s opinions of other people with the last name Burke (3:40), Evan and Jason talk running marathons and the viral story about a college runner who got hit by a deer during a race, which leads Burke to recount his first-hand hit-by-a-deer-while-running experience in 1997. (11:50) They then reminisce about the legend of 351 Boston Avenue, the off-campus house where Burke lived with four other teammates. This causes Evan to haphazardly cast the ‘351’ movie.

The conversation then turns miscellaneous as Burke weighs in on music, explains what he does for a living and updates us on little brother Tim.

It’s Thanksgiving so be thankful for this interview with Jason Burke! And get on a damn treadmill!

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Check out photos from Burke’s 56 marathons at http://jasonburke.webs.com/marathons/Jason_Marathons_with_photos.html.

And might as well also check out his brother’s standout photos at https://www.facebook.com/timburkephoto/.

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Valentina Gomez – Ep016

For the first time in 12 years, Evan talks to Valentina Gomez, a Facebook friend from college whom he didn’t meet until after college. Hear them reminisce about their separate experiences at Tufts University and how their Tufts reunions compare to her husband’s more spirited Princeton reunions. Evan then counters by comparing with his high school reunion to his wife’s (fyi – it’s the same high school). Valentina also describes life in Charlotte, North Carolina as a Jets fan among Panthers fans. Valentina then leaves us with her Netflix picks, which may just be Gilmore Girls, Gilmore Girls and Gilmore Girls.

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Bon Jovi Superfan LUCA – Ep015

Luca, aka Luca Jovi, is a Bon Jovi superfan from Turin, Italy who has seen the band play live over 180 times in roughly 30 countries!

Hear Luca discuss with Evan how he found Bon Jovi, what is his favorite song & album, how he has met the band on multiple tours and what is it like being the rarer male Bon Jovi fan. Also, discover how Bon Jovi helped Luca through some tough times and what hidden jewels Luca recommends from the Bon Jovi catalogue.

One thing is for certain: Italy is here!

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Chicago Cubs & Bon Jovi Fan Darcy Rojas – Ep014

The Cubs just won the World Series so Evan interviews his Facebook friend from Chicago, Darcy Rojas, to recap the magical night! Where was she? What were her emotions during Game 7? Where is Steve Bartman?

Darcy is also a huge Bon Jovi fan so she talks about her favorite Bon Jovi albums, songs and the time Jon Bon Jovi let her and her friends into their intimate radio concert. Evan then counters with the time he followed Jon into a hotel bathroom. 

The Cubs win & Bon Jovi rules this week on Socially Awkward!

#FlyTheW
#THINFS (This House Is Not For Sale)

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Bon Jovi Fans – Ep013

Evan gets in the Bon Jovi time machine with two of his favorite Bon Jovi fan friends! First Kelley Moyer-Schwille talks about the first time she saw the band in a bar in Harrisburg before they were famous! (5:01) Later, Evan and Kelley compare how long they have waited on line for tickets. (8:18) Sadly, they do touch on the Richie Sambora departure (14:45) and finally, Kelley reveals what a big fan she is of Evan’s ‘daughter,’ causing Beckett Sage to set the record straight about his gender. (19:40) 

Evan then brings on Stephanie Sabatelli who discusses what it was like seeing Bon Jovi at their apex at Madison Square Garden in 1987! (28:48) Evan and Kelley then comb through their favorite songs/albums in the Bon Jovi catalog (shoutout to These Days) and compare their hauntingly similar encounters with Jon Bon Jovi. 

Welcome to Jonny’s Church of Rock & Roll! Raise your hands!

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Josh Lopez of Wrestlezone – Ep012

In a bonus episode, Evan spontaneously reunites with professional broadcaster and Wrestlezone.com stenographer Josh Lopez. Evan talks with the native Chicagoan first about the World Series and the state of Chicago sports (6:05) before transitioning to WWE. They share their love of CM Punk (7:40), the time Evan performed with Colt Cabana (10:40) and the James Ellsworth phenomenon (12:00). They then preview the upcoming pay-per-view Hell In A Cell before comparing wrestling crowds around the world and marveling at the engagement of Paige and Alberto Del Rio. Drink it in, mmaaaannnn!

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Evan’s Dad – Ep011

With the help of Facebook friend/sister Wendy Wecksell, Evan interviews his dad. What does Donald Trump have to do to win his Republican dad’s vote? (4:30) Who’s on his Mount Rushmore of Republicans? (7:29) We also get his take of world affairs, Brexit, his disdain for GPSes and meeting Mike & The Mad Dog. (10:14)

Evan also asks Dad for his opinions on texting, Lady Gaga and Charlie Rose while uncovering his surprising gambling history! Evan also coaxes his dad to rank his kids in order, or at least as drivers. (23:03) And what is his dad’s concept of Uber? We then wrap up with why he is so fascinated with World War II, and what is his advice to millenials?

The awkward was definitely at a modest boil throughout. Enjoy!

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Chrissy Sampson – Ep010

Awkwardness reaches new heights when Evan invites his ex-girlfriend Chrissy Sampson onto the podcast, as they speak for the first time since she dumped him in 2003. Evan and Chrissy reminisce about Long Island nightlife, especially Levittown’s Munchaba Lounge (3:32). Chrissy then chronicles what it’s like to live year-round in the Hamptons (in her 30s) and unveils some details about a book she is looking to publish (15:00), which means she needs to have a snobby author bio (17:25). And before talking about her career as journalist (21:23), Evan asks Chrissy about how she has unintentionally had a knack for dating Jewish guys (18:36). Grab some popcorn, because things definitely get awkward.

Get Evan’s new political single “The Final Two” on Amazon (https://amzn.com/B01M5DACKZ).

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Author Garrett Robinson – Ep009

Garrett Robinson was a freelance director in Los Angeles until two years ago when he started writing his own fantasy series. Now based in Oregon, Garrett sits down with Evan to talk about his prolific “Underrealm” fantasy series (2:57), his love of “Lord of the Rings” (7:35) and his writing process (10:10). Garrett then reveals the advantages of living in Oregon over Los Angeles (12:55) and describes the artisan-friendly town McMinnville, Oregon (15:40). And what is in Garrett’s pretentious author bio? (23:05) Fantasy is king this week on Socially Awkward!

Get Garrett’s first book for FREE at www.underrealm.net.

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Comedian Ryan Niemiller – Ep008

After kicking off the episode with a political rant (2:13), this week Evan gets lost in conversation with “The Cripple Threat of Comedy” Ryan Niemiller. Despite missing bones and fingers in both hands, Ryan has turned this supposed liability into an asset in his life and career (17:20), i.e. he can type really fast and play video games on 20 different consoles (11:20)!

Hear how Ryan got started in comedy (24:14), how he has incorporated his disability into his act (25:55) and even how one of his sets went viral! He also opens up about how it has affected his dating life (29:15).

Besides video games, Ryan is a HUGE wrestling fan (thanks to Doink) (35:55). He and Evan also get into the current state of WWE, Roman Reigns (48:33), PWG, Lucha Underground and NXT. Finally, Ryan and Evan each fantasy book themselves into wrestling programming.

Even if you’re not a video game or wrestling fan, this conversation will leave you hooked. (Pun intended.)

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Actor Steve Moulton – Ep007

Actor STEVE MOULTON (Sharknado, Waking, Impress Me) joins Evan for a massive nerd-out session. First, they discuss Steve’s movie credits and then Steve tells Evan how Kevin Smith played a role in his playing a clerk in Sharknado (12:25). They later talk Marvel superheroes and compare their meeting John Cena stories (18:54). Steve is also an avid fan of Disneyland so he offers some insider tips if you are thinking of going (27:39) and you bet he has an opinion on the Disney/Star Wars partnership as well as the new Star Wars movies (36:21). Evan then finds out more about Steve’s movie-centric podcast “View the Right Thing” (42:42) and finally, they lament on how difficult it is to keep up with all their favorite TV shows. #nerdlife 

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Actor Henrik Rutgersson – Ep006

Henrik Rutgersson is a tall, dark, handsome and Swedish actor. Hear how John Hughes motivated him to move to America (7:11), his love of acting and how you may soon see Henrik’s new show “Swedish Dicks,” featuring Keanu Reeves, in the states (13:05). We also recap Henrik’s experiences on “American Horror Story” opposite Lady Gaga (17:45)! Henrik and Evan then talk hockey (23:24) and later Evan tries to convince Henrik to watch wrestling again (28:30). And what’s a podcast without Henrik’s take on the 2016 election and good ole political corruption (32:06). You’ll want to cast a write-in vote for Henrik after this one!

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Poker Professional Shannon Burwell – Ep005

Decade-long Facebook friend/Actress/Poker Phenom SHANNON BURWELL comes to SOCIALLY AWKWARD this week. First we reveal Shannon’s connection to OJ Simpson Prosecutor Marcia Clark (6:44), her web series that was made using only a Flip camera (17:00) and her appearance on 7th Heaven (18:40). She also gets into her poker background (9:00) and gives insider tips on how to be a better poker player. Evan and Shannon also discuss California’s mandatory vaccine controversy right before she turns the tables on Evan and asks him her longstanding questions about him, which turns into a WWE primer (33:05) as well as an inside look into performing at colleges (while traveling with mom). So hunt down OJ, Jessica Biel and your poker buddies because Shannon Burwell is where it’s at!

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Maya Weinreb – Ep004

One of Evan’s newest Facebook friends, Maya Weinreb is one of the most well-traveled people you will ever meet. She was born in Israel, moved to Florida, moved to the UK, moved to LA, moved to Washington State and then moved back to LA! Hear about how gas masks were part of her childhood, which city has the better beaches (Clearwater or Los Angeles) and how to find the best food in LA. Maya has also mastered life in LA without needing a car, or really ever leaving the comfort of her home!! The word of the day is convenience (or Uber… or Yelp).

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The Evan Club – Ep003

It’s a sea of Evans on this week’s Socially Awkward as Evan brings on two random Evans whom he had never spoken to… until now! First Evan welcomes Evan Tyerman (4:35), a student from NJIT who is also in the same fraternity (Theta Chi) as Evan (the host). They then figure out how they became Facebook friends and swap Evan stories. Second, Evan welcomes Long Island comedian Evan Weiss (21:09). Both Evans talk about Facebook’s “Evan Club” and then Evan (the guest) shares some comedy stories including the time his NYC show audience went mobile with him. Finally, Evan (the host) reminisces about the extinct Long Island venues that helped shape his career (41:13). There are so many Evans this week you may want to draw a diagram!

For information on Evan Weiss’ comedy shows, visit https://squareup.com/store/evan-weiss-comedy-shows/

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The A-Train Cometh! (Adrian Wilairat) – Ep002

Evan brings on his good friend and fellow Tufts Jumbo Adrian Wilairat aka The A-Train. They discuss Adrian going to high school with Chelsea Clinton (6:07), not having a Facebook profile pic (9:30) as well as describing Francesacon (12:30), WFAN’s strong radio signal (17:40) and a complete state of the union for the New York baseball teams (19:00). They then reminisce about Tufts University (28:10), Bon Jovi (33:10) and, with Adrian being from Washington DC, of course, the upcoming election (38:32). Get an express ticket because you’re about to hop on the A-Train!

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#InMemoryOfRocky

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Kelly Meyersfield & Beckett Sage – Ep001

Comedian Evan Wecksell (www.FunnyEvan.com) kicks off his “Socially Awkward” podcast by interviewing family. First Evan welcomes in singer/actress/writer (and wife) Kelly Meyersfield (8:00). First playing coy as to how they know each other, Evan and Kelly then discuss how they met, where they would like to move, Bachelor vs WWE and their son’s poop. Evan then brings in his four-year-old son Beckett Sage (38:30) who has over 3 million Youtube views thanks to his knowledge of WWE entrance music. Hear Beckett figure out what his real last name is and then cover rock band Thousand Foot Krutch’s song “War of Change.” It won’t get more awkward (or cute) than this.

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[REPOST from SportSanityNYC.com] The GOP Goes WWE

The following appears on a new sports blog, www.sportsanitynyc.com. This is easily the greatest thing I have ever written. I have included URLs within the post for reference. I’m so proud I get to teach you wrestling lingo.

==============

The GOP Goes WWE: Which Republican Candidate Matches Which Wrestler?

The worlds of politics and professional wrestling are not as different as you might think. The same storylines always seem to circle back, there is always a good guy (babyface) and a bad guy (heel), and a lot of the outcomes are predetermined.

So as we now have about as many Republican candidates as we have hours of original weekly WWE programming (which includes the streaming wrasslin’ utopia that is the WWE Network), let’s try to differentiate the herd and see which aspiring POTUS resembles which sports entertainer.

Disclaimer: So I didn’t go in blind, I consulted a former political insider as well as my right-wing, Fox News-loving dad. I will keep both identities anonymous.

 

Jeb Bush is Roman Reigns

Jeb Bush - Roman ReignsGood ole’ Jeb was going to be the GOP’s next ‘main guy’ just like Roman Reigns was going to be the next John Cena. Jeb had name recognition and a strong political heritage much like Reigns had ‘the look’ and a rich Samoan wrestling bloodline. Here’s the problem: when the time came for both men to shine, their coronations came off like, as Jim Ross would say, “a fart in church.” At least Roman has better ethics and didn’t illegally fundraise before he was put in the Wrestlemania 31 main event. However, both campaigns had to do damage control early.

Roman was serenaded with fierce boos in Philadelphia after winning this year’s overly predictable Royal Rumble and his subsequent fairy tale promos towards the Big Show did not help either. Jeb needed about ten different interviews and speaking events to finally answer the obvious “Knowing what we know now, would you have still invaded Iraq?” question correctly. Both these men had the rocket ship strapped to them, but neither finished their NASA training. Despite all the backlash, Roman Reigns has recovered considerably well and it should be only a matter of months until he is wearing WWE gold. The question now is, ‘Will Jeb Bush recover in time for debate season?’

What my dad thinks: “I could vote for him.”

 

Ben Carson is R-Truth

Ben Carson - R-TruthDespite having some genuine humanity, Dr. Ben Carson has no business entering the Republican race just as R-Truth had no business being in the Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match at Wrestlemania. However, if Ben Carson can separate conjoined twins at the head, maybe he can separate Middle East conflict. Both these men seem to be better at things other than what they are doing. If he weren’t retired, Ben Carson would be better served staying in the operating room, much like R-Truth would be better served just gyrating in the street yelling, “What’s Up!” at everybody. (Note: I’ve heard Truth’s song for at least five years and still have no idea what he’s saying.)

Recently, Carson and Truth both experienced moments of cluelessness. A few weeks ago on Raw, Truth came out to cut a promo about his participation in the Money in the Bank Ladder Match. Only problem was that he was never put in that match. Thankfully, that was done intentionally for humor. Ben Carson thinks you go into prison straight and come out gay.  That was done unintentionally for humor.

What my dad thinks: “No experience in government.”

 

Chris Christie is Brock Lesnar & Paul Heyman
(Honorable mention: Ryback)

Chris Christie - Brock LesnarGovernor Christie, freshest to the race, can be matched up with multiple wrestlers for different reasons could not be denied. First the easier comparison: Ryback’s catchphrase is “Feed Me More.” You do the math, even though there is no math involved. Ryback eats negativity like Christie eats fried dough on the Jersey Shore.

Christie’s comparison to the Beast Incarnate and his advocate work more beautifully because of the dynamic Lesnar and Heyman create together. They do what they want and don’t care what anyone thinks of them, and with Heyman from the Bronx and Christie from New Jersey they both have that trademark tri-state antagonism. When Brock Lesnar walked out of a Monday Night Raw taping weeks before Wrestlemania and as well as the expiration of his WWE contract, the die-hard WWE fans all worried that Brock Lesnar’s return to UFC was a certainty. However, Paul Heyman knew better as he explained the following week, “Brock Lesnar does what he wants when he wants.” If Brock wants to jam up WWE’s creative plans he can, because he’s Brock Lesnar. So if Governor Christie wants to jam up the George Washington Bridge in afternoon rush hour he can, because he’s Chris F’in Christie.

Furthermore, Brock Lesnar works a very part-time schedule for WWE, but sure does enjoy taking Vince McMahon’s full-time money. We are not sure how much the New Jersey Governor actually works, but we know one thing: he sure likes spending New Jersey taxpayer money on food and alcohol. On second thought, maybe he is more like Ryback. Or maybe we will see him at Wrestlemania 32, once again awkwardly hugging Jerry Jones in the Cowboys owner’s skybox.

What my dad thinks: “I’m neutral on him.”

 

Ted Cruz is Bray Wyatt

Ted Cruz - Bray WyattIf you don’t know who Bray Wyatt is think half-Charles Manson and half-Robert DeNiro’s character in Cape Fear. Now if you were sitting in a movie theater, who would scare you more if they were cackling in front of you: Cruz or Wyatt? (Hopefully this poll is in the sidebar.)

While Wyatt borders on cool (the imagery of fans holding up their iPhone flashlights during Wyatt’s entrances to simulate fireflies is breathtaking), both these personalities are meant to scare the hell out of you and they do it with similar methods. Bray opines in his rocking chair or backstage in dark settings, sometimes singing (with the audience) that “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands.” Senator Cruz reads Green Eggs & Ham in front of Congress. Both creepy. And as Wyatt preaches about all the doom and destruction he will bring to each opponent, Cruz will literally make little girls cry because “the whole world’s on fire.” You tell me who is the ‘New Face of Fear.’ Why is this not Ted Cruz’s campaign slogan? I’m assuming Lindsey Graham is already trademarking it.

What my dad thinks: “Too far right. Persuasive, but I don’t like him as a person.”

 

Speaking of…

Lindsey Graham is Brother Love

Lindsey Graham - Brother LoveThere is something about Lindsey Graham that just screams (or blushes) televangelist, specifically WWF’s Brother Love from the late 80s/early 90s. Based solely on the South Carolina senator’s gentle, almost effeminate (his name is Lindsay) Southern drawl, it is almost as nauseating as Brother Love’s “I Love You” monologues that filled the preacher’s on-air segments. Brother Love and Senator Graham are both swarmy and effusive in order to cover up their true motives. Brother Love claimed to do everything in the name of love, but the irony was that he didn’t love us. Brother Love was more interested in supporting those who brought destruction to the WWF. In fact, Brother Love was the original manager of the Undertaker. Whenever you hear Senator Graham on the news, his message trickles down from his basic truth that the sky is falling and a second wave of plagues is approaching. If Senator Cruz thinks the whole world is on fire, then Lindsay Graham is bringing over the gasoline he just bought at his local Walmart.

What my dad thinks: “I like him. He’s my 1st choice.”

 

Carly Fiorina is Vicki Guerrero

Vicki Guerrero - Carly Fiorina#GiveDivasAChance. So it’s decided: that should be her campaign slogan. Basically, her platform is ‘I’m a woman and I used to run Hewlett Packard.’ Well, Vicki Guerrero is a woman and she used to run Raw and Smackdown. Unfortunately, both ladies had some rough days at the office. Fiorina is known as one of the worst tech CEOs ever, which is what happens when your company cuts 30,000 jobs and causes its own mini-Great Depression. Guerrero’s hard times were more drama-based. Her husband Edge cheated on her with Alicia Fox, The Rock sang her a derogatory parody of Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight,” and on her last night on the job, Stephanie McMahon threw her in a tub of poo. Hey, unlike Fiorina, at least she never crashed WWE’s stock.

What my dad thinks: “She’s just in it for the thrill.”

 

Mike Huckabee is Eric Bischoff

Mike Huckabee - Eric BischoffFundamentalist Mike Huckabee matches up most closely to Eric Bischoff, the former Executive Producer and President of now-defunct wrestling promotion WCW. Ask any wrestling fan about the Monday Night Wars, a boom period for the genre in the late 90s where Ted Turner’s World Championship Wrestling was giving Vince McMahon’s WWF a run for its money. WCW’s Monday Night Nitro beat WWF’s Monday Night Raw in the ratings for over 80 straight weeks. Eric Bischoff’s motivation was to put Vince McMahon out of business, much like Mike Huckabee’s job is to put views inconsistent with the Bible out of business. While Mike Huckabee’s popularity didn’t peak as high as WCW’s, he did have more credibility in 2008 during his ‘Hucka-heyday.’ Now it seems like he’s in the race just to say he is in the race. (At least he can raise his appearance fees after he drops out — an ulterior motive to run for any political office.)/

While Bischoff and Huckabee rode their own waves of success, eventually unpopular opinions and gross mismanagement plummeted their credibility. WCW put their championship belt on David Arquette (yes, the actor who was married to Courtney Cox). Mike Huckabee supported Josh Duggar of everyone’s favorite TLC show 19 Kids and Counting (where no learning took place). And even when the media gave Huckabee a chance to flip-flop, unlike Jeb Bush, he did not take the hint. Huckabee’s opinions never seem to appeal to the majority, much like how WCW’s storyline never benefited the majority of the roster. That’s what happens when Bischoff lets people like Kevin Nash and Hulk Hogan have creative control over their own storylines. RIP Goldberg’s Streak.

Once WWF fully embraced their Attitude Era, WCW did not have a chance, which culminated in Vince McMahon purchasing the competition in 2001. After WCW’s demise, Eric Bischoff did show up occasionally on WWE programming much like Mike Huckabee showed up on Fox News. Unfortunately, especially with the recent Supreme Court same-sex marriage ruling, it appears that even Fox News is putting Huckabee out with the trash – a gesture Bischoff is all too familiar with. Huckabee didn’t need Attitude, just latitude.

What my dad thinks: “Too damn religious.”

 

Rand Paul is Chris Jericho and Ted Dibiase, Jr

Rand Paul - Chris JerichoBack in May, Senator Rand Paul took a stand when he engaged in a 10-hour filibuster in Congress to ensure the Patriot Act would not get renewed. Senator Paul ticked off all of his colleagues in the name of his beliefs. Back on WCW’s Nitro in 1998, Chris Jericho agitated an entire roster and audience when the “Man of 1004 Holds” stood in the middle of the ring and read off that entire list of holds. Sometimes it takes time to show how committed you are.

Paul’s more appropriate and harmonious comparison is to Ted Dibiase Jr, which rests on the fact that each has/had to live up to who their fathers are. Ron Paul was a long time Congressman who became somewhat of a folk hero in 2008 with his progressive/traditional Libertarian views. Rand is more conservative, but holds enough of his dad’s values to appeal to multiple GOP bases. Ted Jr, whose father is WWE Hall of Famer “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase, although no longer actively wrestling, had a lot to live up to and having the exact same name as daddy did not help. When he wasn’t getting over on his own, WWE simply made him a rich, trust fund kid character going so far as bringing back his dad’s valet Virgil. Ted Jr couldn’t break away from who his father was. Can Senator Rand separate himself? (He should since his views include an isolationist foreign policy.)

What my dad thinks: “I can’t stand him.”

 

Rick Perry is John Laurinaitis

Rick Perry - John LaurinaitisJohn Laurinaitis used to be WWE’s Executive Vice President of Talent Relations. Although he currently flourishes with WWE as a Senior Producer, his 2011-2012 onscreen “People Power” persona was inspired by CM Punk calling him a “glad-handing, nonsensical douchebag yes man.” That description is not that far off from Governor Rick Perry. Even though the governor floundered in 2012, he has returned with a vengeance because this time… he is wearing glasses. However, much like the raspy Laurinaitis stumbled through promo over promo, Perry gets to stumble through interview after interview. Just cue the quote where he calls the Charleston shooting an “accident.” Both men showed us that it is not the context that makes you look stupid, it’s the stupid that makes you look stupid.

What my dad thinks: “He is overrated by Texas.”

 

Marco Rubio is The Miz

Marco Rubio - The MizWhenever the WWE needs a superstar to make a public appearance or go on a talk show, The Miz is the first to stand up. And whenever the GOP wants to put out their camera-friendly, smooth-talking representative on special occasions, like after the State of the Union, they give us Marco Rubio. Both men look youthful (Rubio probably still gets carded), possess strong mic skills and have worked their way up from the bottom. Rubio looks like the Republican ‘Boy Wonder’ to everyone else’s Batman, but could soon get the nomination and be the headliner that The Miz was at Wrestlemania 27. Lastly, both come off extremely metrosexual. The Miz always sports extravagant designer outerwear while junior Senator Rubio recently showed up in Iowa like he just used his J. Crew gift card.

What my dad thinks: “I call him babyface. Acceptable.”

 

Donald Trump is Vince McMahon

Donald Trump - Vince McMahonIs there a comparison that could be any more perfect? These billionaires, who have been friends since Trump Plaza hosted Wrestlemania IV and V, and both have the catchphrase “You’re Fired!” actually squared off, kinda, during Wrestlemania 23. Each mogul picked their own superstar to represent them in a hair vs hair match. When all was said and done, The Donald’s Bobby Lashley beat Vince’s Umaga, and Trump shaved McMahon’s head.

These men are almost carbon copies of each other: power-hungry, relentless, brash and opinionated. In his WWE universe, Vince McMahon has had unruly superstars arrested (i.e. Stone Cold Steve Austin), he has cheated on his wife with younger women, started his own religion and made people literally kiss his ass. Doesn’t it sound like Donald Trump could have already done all that in real life?

And what has McMahon done in real life? Vince bought up all his competition on multiple occasions, beat the federal government over steroids and started his own football league, the XFL, that even though it was short-lived, offered the NFL many innovative ideas to enhance its coverage. Trump also dabbled in football, being the initial owner of the USFL’s New Jersey Generals back in 1983. But like McMahon, he chose to jump ship because becoming a global lord takes priority.

If Trump picks Vince as his running mate, expect them to lead an administration that would travel the globe buying up third-world countries, ridding the world of women over 50, deporting anyone whose hair does not measure up to theirs, and encouraging racial stereotypes. Sorry Latino population, you had a good run. Get ready for their Elysium.

What my dad thinks: “He’s an egotistical clown.”

 

Candidate Rapid Fire:

Bobby Jindal is The Great Khali

At first, both looked like they could do a lot of damage, but when they got on the mic or in the ring, our expectations sank. If Beth Phoenix can kiss Khali out of the Royal Rumble, maybe some accidental Fiorina cleavage could ruin Jindal’s entire family and candidacy.

Scott Walker is The Ascension

They both came in with a lot of hype and loud music, but have so far proved milquetoast. Maybe if it was a different era they could flourish, but unfortunately the Wisconsin Governor and the NXT-bred tag team do not stand out as much as they should.

George Pataki is every enhancement wrestler (i.e. Barry Horwitz).

The former NY governor is just in the race to make every other candidate look better. Maybe he will get in an early punch, but in two minutes he will be tapping out to Rusev’s The Accolade.

Rick Santorum is the Spanish Announce Table
I thought he got destroyed back in 2012, but like a Spanish announce table it always shows up at that next big event. And at the next big event, it gets destroyed again. Like Santorum, the Spanish announce table does not have a strong foundation. Maybe if it used an adhesive made from Senator Rick’s urban dictionary definition, it would hold up better.

*All photos from Wikipedia.

==============

Evan Wecksell is touring comedian who has appeared on VH1, E! and Conan. Follow him @evanwecksell and like his WWE-sanctioned child Beckett Sage.

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My new site! How I did it!

As I introduce my new FunnyEvan.com, this was a three month project that actually started by happenstance. I had been pretty good about putting Reverbnation widgets on my site to hide the fact that I knew no code for writing a web site. I mean, I was using Microsoft Frontpage which was discontinued years ago.

I then got a fortunate email from Michael Duff at Duffweb. Thanks to the suggestion of his wife, amazing person/photographer Denice Duff, he mentioned how google would basically be bitchslapping any website that was not mobile friendly. I was on the chopping block and had to adjust.

Unfortunately I couldn’t pay for a pro to design my site, but I started making sketches of what I wanted, browsed website themes. I went back and forth between wordpress.com and wordpress.org. Figured how much fancy themes would be to buy. And then I discovered Tyler Moore. This Youtube computer guy can show you how to design a website from scratch for very little money. I designed a full site going step for step off his Tesseract theme, but it did not resonate with me. However, then I saw his Revolutionary video and I knew I hit it. Social media icons, a home page slideshow and easy ways to embed video. He even taught me how to design my own logo (a work in progress, but better). I basically turned a website meant for a company to be meant for a comedian.

I hired a personal IT guy to move some files around and do some other miscellaneous behind-the-scenes housekeeping, but basically every night in May I was working on one of my pages. More to come including some fun photos and an online store. Time to watch that video!

Dorkily yours,

Evan

 

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